


Guillermo Thee Stallion

by weirdbitterdays



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Emotional Constipation, Happy Ending, M/M, Miscommunication, Not that kind you pervs, Pining, Pure Sillyness, flirty boys can't handle it when it gets real, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:09:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24749653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weirdbitterdays/pseuds/weirdbitterdays
Summary: That one where Guillermo does Tik Tok dances in his free time and Nandor walks in...
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know anything about tik tok don't @ me
> 
> Also I'm getting back into writing after a long hiatus (not like I was ever prolific) so apologies for the roughness/any weirdness in tone or style.
> 
> ALSO please don't take this seriously at all lol.

Guillermo hit the record button on the phone. He turned it around, willing it to stand up straight as his hurried hands leaned it against the victorian lamp. “Fuck, ok-” he muttered as it fell, but quickly righted it before running to the middle of the room, his hips bouncing to the beat coming from the tiny speaker. Just as he was about to start the silly dance routine he had been practicing in his free time, he heard footsteps in the doorway, and an all too familiar voice say,

"Guillermo, did you get rid of my snack from last night, I wasn't done with him yet -"

Guillermo screamed, a little higher than he’d like to admit, and covered himself with his hands as if Nandor had caught him naked. A small smile quirked across Nandor’s lips, his eyes shining and eyebrows raised a bit.  
“Guillermo,” He said slowly in the way he always did when he found his familiar doing something especially curious, “Are you…dancing?” He saw the camera phone that was pointed his way. “And are you recording it?”

Guillermo felt his face heat up so bad he thought he was actually going to start sweating.  
“No!” He shouted reflexively, but Nandor gave him a knowing look. “Ok, yes I am. Are you happy?” He asked, his hands dropping to his sides in exasperation.

“Yes, I am. I love dancing.” Not what Guillermo expected, but he’s happy to not be teased, at least. Nandor crossed his arms over his chest, looking comfortable. “I'm a great dancer, love to dance at all the best parties. I do the Shingle Hop,” He started counting on his fingers, “the Leper's Remorse, the Quivering Arrow, that one is pretty great, you have to quiver like this-” He shot his arms against his sides and held his body stiffly, then shook his entire body slightly, looking rather like a quivering arrow, Guillermo had to admit. Nandor relaxed his muscles, “That one killed in the middle ages. Anyway, what is this dance you do now? And it’s for recording? Are there people watching you dance?” For some reason the way he asked the last question sounded slightly accusatory. Guillermo gulped, not sure how to handle this. 

“Well, yeah, it’s for an app on the phone -”

“Oh yes, like Benji with his Luminary business.”

“Lumosity, right. Anyway, this one has songs and people share themselves doing the same dance,” He walked over to the end table and picked up his phone. He turned around to see Nandor right in front of him, large, looming, and curious. Guillermo closed his mouth, his heart pumping a bit harder in his chest. 

“Yes? Well?” Nandor prodded. “Show me this app on the phone with the people watching you do the dancing.”

Guillermo shook himself mentally, clearing his throat and looking down at his phone, exiting out of the recording section. A patchwork of his previously recorded attempts popped up on the screen. Mortified, he tried to exit out of the screen, but before he could, Nandor snatched the phone from his hands.

“Guillermo, these are all you?” He asked, staring. Guillermo thought he could die. Nandor tried to scroll, and when it didn’t work, he huffed, “Guillermo, I need your pointer finger, please.” 

“My what -” Nandor reached out and gently grabbed his hand, using Guillermo’s finger to tap a random video. “Nand- Master, oh my god.” Guillermo pulled his hand back, doing a twirl on the spot, mortified. Nandor was enraptured by the video. 

_I’m a savage  
Classy, bougie, ratchet  
Sassy, moody, Nasty,  
Acting Stupid, What’s happening_

The video played on repeat, Guillermo’s recorded self enthusiastically recreating the dance moves across the screen. Nandor blinked. After a moment he cleared his throat. “I had not seen that dance before.” Nandor said, his voice strained. “You do this dance, and who are the people watching?” Why was he so focused on the people watching, Guillermo thought.

“Anyone. I mostly follow other bigger guys and we watch each other’s videos, but it’s anyone, really.” 

“Could you teach me to do this dance?” Guillermo wasn’t sure whether he was dreaming or not.

“You want me - you want -” He cleared his throat, pulling himself together. “You want me to teach you that dance?” Nandor unbuckled his cape, moving to put it down on the couch against the wall.

“Yes, Guillermo, show me this dance that all of the big guys are doing.” Cape removed, he began unbuttoning his velvet overshirt. Guillermo’s head started reeling and his pants started tightening. He willed the erection away as best he could. 

“Master, why are you -” Nandor looked up at him and smiled.

“I must remove my overcoat for better range of motion, Guillermo.”

“Right. Do you- do you need help?” Guillermo had never removed his clothing outside of their nighttime ritual. Seeing him undress outside of the routine was a little unnerving. Nandor looked at him stoically as he continued unbottoning his top.

“That won’t be necessary. I must get into the right frame of mind, undressing helps me get in tune with my body.” He rolled his shoulders and hips cheekily. Guillermo had nearly had enough. He rolled his eyes and looked down to his phone. Now in just one layer of white linen on top, Nandor came to stand next to Guillermo, looking down at the phone with him. Guillermo peeked at the chest hair poking out of the top of Nandor’s shirt. This was fine. 

Guillermo cleared his throat. 

“Ok. Well, it starts like this.” Guillermo crossed his arms in front of himself quickly. Surprisingly attentive, Nandor followed his lead, crossing his arms quickly in the same motion. “Yeah, that’s perfect.” Encouraged, he pushed forward. “So you do that, then the clap.” He swung his hands together in an elongated clap, and Nandor mimicked him. Guillermo’s heart (and face) warmed to see his Master following his lead.

“Ok, this next part is kind of like a move I think is called the marionette.” He said, then swayed his hips to each side fluidly, his hands in fists in the air in front of his hips, following the motion. Nandor took a second longer to process this one, his eyes a little darker, as he watched Guillermo’s hips rock side to side. 

“Show me that one again?” Nandor asked, the attempted innocence in his voice betrayed by a slight tremor in the back of his throat. Guillermo noticed. He liked it. 

“So you go -“ He put his fists down and out with emphasis, then swayed again from side to side, his hips loose, curving in the air. Nandor, watching raptly, mimicked the fists well enough, but when he swayed, his hips jerked awkwardly to the side. Guillermo suppressed a giggle. 

“Close. You’re a little tight, though, Master.” He said, trying to be helpful. 

“Oh, excuse me for not being Fred Astaire on my first try, Guillermo, please.” Nandor admonished. 

“You just gotta loosen up a little bit. I thought you were the ‘best dancer at all the greatest parties’.” Guillermo deepened his voice with a faux dramatic air.

“Guillermo, it is not very becoming of a familiar to mock his Master.” Nandor said, then put his fists out again, attempting to rock his hips but hitting the same awkwardness again. Without thinking, Guillermo reached out, grabbing his Master’s hips to direct him. The touch made them both still. They both looked down at his hands, then slowly up to each other’s eyes. If Guillermo had seen any hint of anger or reproach his hands would’ve flown off of him like a vampire turning into a bat, but all he saw was shock and what looked like a small glimmer of vulnerability in his ancient Master’s eyes. He looked more human than he ever had, except for maybe the one time when he told him he was a great familiar. The air around them gathered a new kind of energy, thick and woozy with sparks like electricity. Guillermo’s stomach was doing summersaults, and his hands felt sweaty. Nandor was watching him, his eyes almost pleading. 

He pushed down on Nandor’s right hip, leading it into his left.  
“Classic, bougie, ratchet” Guillermo muttered the lyrics, directing Nandor’s hips with each beat. He found himself still pushing his hips after the move was finished, though, gently swaying him tunelessly. They were completely lost in each other’s eyes.  
“Guillermo.” Nandor said, sounding far away, still looking directly at him.  
“Yes, Master?” Guillermo responded breathlessly.  
“I think I got it.”  
“Oh.” Guillermo pulled his hands back, the electricity fizzling. He looked at the ground, rubbing his sweaty palms on his shorts. 

Nandor was suddenly picking up his overcoat and cape from the couch, and heading out the door. 

“Thank you for the lesson, we will resume another time.” He called as he nearly ran from the room, his long dark hair flying behind him.

Guillermo took a breath. What the fuck was that?


	2. Disarming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short little chapter, I want to move the story forward, but am limited on time so it might be small snippets like this. Also, as a note, this is set pre-2.08. ---hope you enjoy!

Nandor was pacing. That was not supposed to happen like that. He was in control. Sure, Guillermo had looked stupidly seductive doing his dance moves, reminiscent of the 35 wives he had really loved when they would dance for him in front of the roaring fire of his palace back in Al Quonadar. Yes, Guillermo was soft, and surprisingly seductive, and sometimes a little too familiar. It all made him feel in ways he hadn't for a long, long time. He knew what Guillermo was playing at. He knew how badly Guillermo wanted to be a vampire. He was probably downstairs right now, in his sad closet bedroom, making his next plot on how to disarm Nandor, take away his control, get him so overwhelmed he would have no choice but to do whatever it was Guillermo wanted him to do. 

“I am the Master!” He said aloud, poking himself proudly in the chest. His eyes flashed with a simmering fire. He was the conquerer, the ruler of men, the relentless. He wasn’t going to let some pudgy, neglected pastry of a human rule his emotions. 

There was a knock at his bedroom door.  
“Master?”  
“Hmm?” Nandor hurried to busy himself with his maps. Guillermo poked his head through the door frame.  
“I just wanted to make sure I didn’t do something to upset you while we were, um, while I was teaching you that dance.” Guillermo was so pure, Nandor thought. No! That’s what he wants you to think. 

He held up a map, squinting at it as if it contained some detail he was dying to know more about. Without looking over at Guillermo, he responded with a very put-upon nonchalance,  
“Oh, no, I was just reminded of this really great conquest, and I couldn't remember if it was in Lalavun, Jachobin, or Raspudin….” He trailed off, hoping his familiar wouldn’t ask anymore questions. Guillermo seemed placated, though his face fell slightly. 

“Okay. Well, let me know if you need anything.”

“Of course.” He said with a note of finality. Guillermo quietly slipped out the room, closing the door behind him. Nandor dropped the map onto the table, leaning against it and letting out a shaky breath. This was not good.


	3. The Worst Guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter in this little fic, hope it ties it up well enough and makes you smile a bit.:) I have more planned for these two, but it won’t match the tone of this admittedly slapdash fic. Thank you for reading and sorry in advance if it’s cheesy or rushed!!!  
> 

Nandor sidled up to Guillermo’s closet room curtain, his fingers fidgeting against his belt buckle, his shoulders slightly hunched forward in an unconscious attempt to make himself appear smaller and less menacing. 

“Knock knock.” He said, giving Guillermo a brief moment before opening the curtain without really waiting for an answer. Guillermo was sitting casually on his bed, his socked feet gently bouncing, headphones in his ears as he watched something on his phone. 

“Ah, more funny dance videos?” Nandor cringed at himself as the words left his mouth. If the cameras were here he would’ve grimaced awkwardly at them. Guillermo looked up at him, noticing him for the first time. He pulled one earbud out, looking at his Master with an expression of openness.

“Oh, hey Master. What’s up? Is it almost sunrise already? I must’ve lost track of time, I’ve been watching this really good show, it’s about these paranormal investigators but they’re cops -“  
Nandor waved a hand as if to brush away his rambling. 

“Guillermo. I wanted to talk to you about something.” As he said it, he heard the gravity in his own voice. He hadn’t meant to. Guillermo heard it too, evidenced by his immediate silence. Nandor pushed further into the room, moving to sit down on the bed, pulling Guillermo’s outstretched legs up and letting them fall over his lap as he sat. He was trying to be more conscientious these days. A very small noise escaped Guillermo’s throat, but he said nothing. Nandor looked straight ahead as he began to talk, avoiding looking into his Familiar’s gaze.  
“Guillermo, you know you do not have to seduce me to become a vampire. I have already promised it.” Guillermo’s eyebrows scrunched and his mouth opened as if to say something, but he found he wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. He closed his mouth again, utterly confused, though thinking back on some recent moments between them, his heartbeat picked up pace. Nandor heard it, and chanced a glance over at him before looking back ahead.

“It’s actually quite unprofessional, whatever spell or potion you are using to make me feel this way has pretty obviously had an effect on you too. It’s really distracting when your heartbeat is constantly racing. I can hardly hear myself think.” Yet at the thought, his right hand came up from the seat to rub absently on the fabric of Guillermo’s pants that covered his shin. His gaze dropped to his pointer and thumb, which had begun rhythmically rubbing the fabric together. Guillermo, still not entirely sure what was happening but as ever when it came to his Master, was willing to ride it out as long as he wasn’t offering him up as food, looked at him, waiting. Nandor began speaking quietly, in a reverent tone.  
“It is a difficult thing, becoming a vampire. And you are still so young,” he looked over at him fully this time with a gentle smile, which was soon replaced with a look of mild sadness. “I do not want to take your chance at life away from you.” The _Like mine was taken away from me_ was left unsaid, but Guillermo heard it regardless. “You will lose out on adventure, on riding horses under the midday sun, you cannot haggle at an open market, and frozen dairy treats are a no-go. Seriously. It can be kind of shit sometimes.”  
Guillermo chuckled. “And Guillermo, you should really lose your virginity before even considering it. There is something special about it when you are still human. Also you don’t need magic for that.” He looked back down to his hand, which had stopped its ministrations, and splayed his palm across Guillermo’s shin.

“You really think I would use magic to get you to turn me into a vampire? Through my uh, sensual charms? And that it would work? I would never manipulate you to _that_ degree." The vampire looked up at him, reading the openness and truth in Guillermo's face, his eyes suddenly playing back and forth in a sort of mischievous mirth. Guillermo was blushing madly, but his face remained open. Nandor was massaging Guillermo’s legs now.

“It’s kind of a hot idea, no?” Guillermo took in a breath and then laughed, loud and free. He put his hand on Nandor’s muscular shoulder, gently squeezing, feeling the rolling edge of muscle meeting bone under his heavy garment. 

“Yeah, kinda.” Guillermo responded, actually agreeing, his body warming all over, a welcoming look on his face as he drank in Nandor’s eyes. Nandor turned, stretching out between Guillermo’s legs, flushing them together. He looked down at him, his hair falling to frame their faces, a pleased grin stretching over his mouth. Guillermo whimpered and pulled his head down, feeling his soft hair like he had every night for the last 10 years, this time lacing his fingers through, and gave his Master the first of what he had a feeling would be an eternities worth of kisses.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! <3


End file.
